Every Day in Gratitude
I didn’t grow up with horses. I didn’t take lessons or beg my parents for a pony. Yet horses have changed my life forever.
Well into adulthood I found myself faced with serious kidney issues. After years of dialysis treatments while waiting for a kidney transplant, I got tired of the restrictions dictated by doctors and decided to spice up the life I was working so hard to save. The one thing that felt right – that felt both therapeutic and a tiny bit wild – was to get myself on a horse. I needed to be under open sky and surrounded by beings that are everything power, balance and grace. I began to dream of having horses with my husband, Bruce, at our home in the foothills of the Rockies.
Always having loved animals, we were living with three cats that proved some of my best friends and teachers. Cezanne, a beautiful chocolate point Balinese we’ve had nearly the entire twenty years of our marriage, uses his big voice to teach me patience. Our blue point Balinese, Amarette, always seemed more ether than flesh and led by example in unconditional love. Pantoufle, our audacious seal point Siamese/Snowshoe, lives out loud with a confidence and authenticity we could all learn from. She came to earth to be here, really be here, and she’s taught me how to not leave my body. She’s taught me how to stay. Collectively they have been my guiding arrow, always pointing true north, during some very tough times. Through my growing intuitive understanding and our sessions with Terri who maneuvers the practical to the esoteric with love, reverence and humor, they helped heal my heart.
To be able to drape the structure of words over the myriad of dynamics and wisdom going on between animals and humans is a gift like no other. Through Terri, we were even able to have contact and insight from Amarette after she passed away. Each animal communication session continues to yield treasures long after they are over.
Eventually, a kidney transplant became a reality. What followed was like a parting of the sea of obstacles. As Bruce and I continued to let go of the many things we couldn’t control, life fell smoothly into place. Thanks to the gift of kidney donation, I became strong enough to take the leap I never thought we’d have the guts for. We said Yes to the idea of having horses come live with us. Terri’s presence and input during that transition was immeasurable. She infused questions, doubts and confusion with clarity. Then, any remaining nervousness disappeared the day I met Matteo, a magnificent nine-year-old Missouri Fox Trotter.
We also fell for a second horse, another Fox Trotter and herd-mate of Matteo named Sunny. Young, playful and naughty, he challenges Bruce to show up and claim his power. Since the horses arrived, this bonding herd of equines, felines and humans has been on an unprecedented adventure of growth and joy.
Alongside training and exploring mountain trails, I believe in spending time with the horses without asking them for anything. I practice didgeridoo in their corral and Sunny aligns himself with the instrument where he most wants the healing vibration. Matteo and I do deep breathing together where he makes his inhales and exhales audible and synchronizes them with mine. I chant to them and they lie down, bliss out and dream.
Meanwhile, I’ve been fortunate enough to meet the family of the angel whose kidney lives on inside me. The horses have carried his brothers on their backs, knowing full well why they are special to me and why they are sad and in need of healing. Neither boy had ever been on a horse but with Sunny and Matteo’s awareness and gentle kindness (plus just the right dash of friskiness), the boys felt safe enough to relax, enjoy and connect into the spirit of the moment.
Every day Matteo teaches me to be present with all of myself, not just safely selected parts. When he won’t walk across a scary bit of black plastic come alive from wind, his refusal is asking me a question: Will you show up? Will you be my leader – or will I have to take over because you are too distracted or afraid or clinging to a past that’s no longer serving to step into your true self and shine.
And I am answering. Every day in gratitude I am answering.
– Nicole S., CO